The four letter word droppin' healer still walks the path

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As a child, my formative years were in a the dark, musty basement of my parents single family unit in the Old Harbor projects in South Boston. It was in this location that I began my journey into stance training and building what is known as a strong "shen" (spirit).

For hours on end I would hold varied stances, performing breathing exercises and build my "Chi" while annoying the shit out of my Father with my elevated music levels of bands like Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and Van Halen. I would place an album on and hold one stance for one side of the album, then switch side and then do another stance...etc, etc.

This self induced physical torture became my respite as I never fit in with the local 70's racist mentality so I soon became the isolated and hated one in my neighborhood.  Later in life my intense martial arts training taught me the term " Can you eat bitter to get to sweet of the fruit?' and my early exposure into the stance training were indeed me eating this bitter.

Over the years, I then studied a variety of martial arts  ( Japanese, Chinese, Filipino) with many teachers and applied this focused shen to all of the info I was given by them, I became a sponge for all things martial and etheric ( one person in the 80's give me rap nickname for my martial zest :  "spongey b" -true story). As my understanding changed over the years from martial being a purely physical endeavor, I began to expand my consciousness to higher levels of understanding ( and of course more endless questions arose as I ascended) to the energy behind movement, the reason for martial encounters, why war occurs, deeper and deeper I went down the rabbit hole.

Seeing the mirror now reflect an old fart back to the eyes of the viewer, I look back at that young chubby southie kid that asked his parents " Why do people hate me because I have a black friend?" and see that nothing that we are born into needs to be set in stone. Though now as the Master I always sought out, I see self imposed suggested mental concrete as a tool to control and alter the masses and prevent ascension of consciousness. 

Spiritual Energy is a seductive and confusing unseen tool.

It has many forms, many uses and many abuses. Even after 40 plus years of study, I continue to look at myself and the world and see what I missing. You see, the big facade about all this spiritual shit is that teachers often place themselves up above anyone that is coming to them for such knowledge. I will never do that. The sad thing about my honesty is that I am often then not looked at with the same respect as "well known" teachers that have PR companies and agents that help the "Gurus" get movie and book deals. I actually met with a PR company a few years back and was signed with them to help spread my " honest in your face brand".

At one big table meeting my "account rep" said to me , "Have you ever cured a famous person?" To which I said "Huh?" He explained " Well it is much easier to get coverage in the media if you have aided a famous person" To which I replied in my South Boston ( Southie) way " Oh I fucking guess the Mother with 2 children that I cured of blindness with my hands and energy doesn't rate then".

That meeting with this well known Boston PR firm showed me what I was up against...If I helped a supporting cast member who had a walk on on the 1980's sit com "Alf" with migraines, then I was someone, but if I simply worked 14 hours a day 6 days a week providing miracle after after miracle to people then I was simply a chump, a sucker. If is funny to see how twisted spiritual pursuits can get in this world, what that word really means and how easy it is to jump into a fast moving river of horse shit.

Wasn't it about 12 years ago that people were all caught up in certain techniques that held the secrets of the universe?

Weren't those authors on famous TV talk shows?

I seem to remember people dying because of one certain self help author who had the secret to it all.....but of course the same people that had them on tv never looked back to say "Oh boy we sure fucked up". This is the shit I speak of....people blindly follow and wind up never progressing.

Energy is a mother f*cker and it has so many layers that a person may never see that the negative elements simply move and hide within unless you can be aware of yourself (be woke, to sound youthful) at all times. I often tell clients, a person may be so addicted to past behaviors that they are unaware that they need a person/situation to always be angry at, sure they may feel happy (ish) but still need to fuel hatred inside by hating someone, something...still have some sort of controversy to hold onto misery over.

That person never truly moves ahead.

So here I am, stating my truth.....ready to begin again in my life as the old fart who has taken the heroes journey ( thank you Joseph Campbell). Ready to see where I am headed with all of this in your face life knowledge.

Oh, did I ever cure and teach famous people? Yes....but my PR people didn't like that honest info that I poured in their laps . I said "If you market the famous people I cured vs marketing the source of what changed the energy, then you value celebrity energy over God energy" which I quickly found out that my rep was an atheist and had many issues with anything I had done over my 23 career anyway. So how the hell could he truly rep me?

Needless to say, I didn't stay with that firm long.

One note:

I have no idea what "God" truly is however and I am not a bible thumper, I do believe in some force greater than human consciousness and simply use the G-0-D letters to describe "who I "work" for because the term "Universe" or "Cosmos" is also way to overused. I do know that I try to shift energy as much as I can, sometimes it is hard, sometimes it is fun. But I know what dominant peace energy feels like and I know what dominant war energy feels like on Earth.

I choose to always try and create peace.


Brian Collins The Rabid Monk