So, here we are....it is 1 year since my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and our world changed forever.
I look back and the difficulty she had with simple 20 foot walks walking up and down our hallway at home with her with drainage tubes hanging out her chest post surgery, the woman who taught massive amounts of fitness classes at our studios, training countless personal training clients, the woman who gave of herself to so many for 30+ years.
I review the horrible, evil comments in my mind from twisted people that said things like " Well, you don't look that sick" or "caring" former clients that said " When will you be back, who will take care of me while you are away and ill?"...I remember the pain of leaving her alone in bed even for a moment when I had to run out to get food because no one aided us at all...
-Oh yes, I remember.
You know what else I remember?
Our hands, clenched together as one in bed as they have been since the day we were married.
This hand holding continued on while she healed after her surgeries, I remember my inability to cosmically remove my palm from hers, providing her life force and connection 24/7 to her weakened body.
Years back Helena even worked on through pain when her gall bladder and liver shut down ( and finished a personal training appointment to not upset a client) and then went to the hospital for surgery ( she is in medical manual because they wondered how she was still alive as her organs were failing) ..She then a few years later had heart surgery and then opened a new studio to give Boston a place of hope and peace during the financial crash of 2008.
-Oh yeah, sounds like a real nasty person don't you think?
If you can believe it, our hand holding would piss people off over the years when people saw us together walking down the street strolling in hand "because we are so in love" So many people tried to destroy it....they hated us being happy, very fucked up right?
Why were they like this to us? Hey take that shit up with them, that is their energy, their disfunction..their disconnect with God, not ours.
As the healing weeks turned to months and the surgery swelling began to go down and she was able to regain some movement in her effected arm, I then saw my wife slowly begin to return to me.
The eyes that were hazed lightened again.
The heart scarred by so much external hate sent her way, was recognizing a new world...a world of just her and I...together.
So today I celebrate you Helena, my love, my world....I celebrate the beauty of your soul, your spirit and your endless desire to create joy on this often fucked up earth.
I celebrate our palms united together.
I celebrate us.
You kick ass. I love you woman......may the 4th be with you.
" I have nothing if I don't have have you"