So it is 2:30am and I am up again in my home office doing what I do.
This week, I came to a conclusion that I am now going to write down here on this blog thing for the void to see. A internal block that I have been carrying within for a long time. What is this great spiritual conclusion? this great all knowing soul searching moment?
Well it has to do with a chapter in my life that began way back in 1984.
Back then I was literally "The Karate Kid", you know "that" guy who is into martial arts (still am, as I started at the tender age of 12 and never really stopped, just ran into some confusion). I spent most of my time practicing my stuff (martial arts) and due to the violent neighborhood I lived in (South Boston) I often needed to use what I learned on the streets.
Well, into my yin yang life a relationship entered and that is when my crossroads took a turn. You see, I lost a bit of "me" and became all of her. The relationship? well that was with a rocker chick, a cool, tough inner city girl and me? I was the 18 year old in his 1st serious relationship with wide starry eyes and a fish hook implanted deep in my heart.
She played in metal bands and I was a metalhead, so of course I started growing my hair long for her. I was her male eye candy. As a result of our often crazy relationship, I began to spend more time with her and less time with me and my martial arts/esoteric trainings, I began to become something that deep down inside, I knew wasn't really me.
Enter The Prodigies
One band she joined was a bunch of kids from the nearby suburbs of Boston.
Not the run of the mill garage band type of musicians, these kids were incredible. I was blown away by them. Not only were they all great players but they were into jazz and all forms of music which was very amazing to see in kids so young. One of the band members became a student of mine and a close friend at the time ( a Italian/Irish bass player...will explain why I said italian/irish in a bit) and I helped him through some rough times by being his martial arts teacher/mentor.
This is where the road turns again as he was (is) an incredible Bass player, funk, jazz, rock, etc....I wanted to learn to play like him because my girlfriend really enjoyed having musicians around her. So I began to study with my funky little friend off and on.
My skills on Bass quickly grew and I could do all the flashy funk stuff ( I picked stuff up quick) but something inside wasn't connecting with me. My subconscious was reminding me "This isn't who you truly are". I was not happy inside. But I kept on playing the eye candy rock guy roll for my rocker girlfriend, ignoring my inner voice....ignoring the real me.
So as the years ticked by, the rocker girl relationship crashed and burned and I was now walking around in my life looking like a member of Whitesnake on the outside, not knowing who I really was inside.
Was I the martial arts guy?
Was I into Chi Gong any longer?
Was I a Bass player?
What gives? who was I?
We all know the post relationship break up feel, we all soul search and try to figure out who we are without the person we spent time with and for me, it was very hard because I spent a lot of my formative years being her eye candy and I was stuck in between a yin and yang and an amplifier turned to 11 mentally.
Even though my life turned back toward my Asian studies and I had the opportunity to study with many Masters in Beijing, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Taisan and with Kahunas in Hawai'i Etc...I always was split in my mind , in my subconscious. My Bass playing time was still inside me...still there, nagging. Not because of the old relationship, but because of the 2 unresolved energies still silently churning within..the Martial/Healing/Metaphysical Asian side and the Rocker.
Even though I had a very successful healing/spiritual consultation practice on Boston's Newbury Street for 23 years, even though I did amazing things like cure the blind, reverse infertility, cure migraines, aid businesses, teach PhD's, brand and name businesses, etc.. I was still silently playing the other energy ( Rocker) inside as I had a Bass guitar in my closet that I would take out and screw around with from time to time.
So the other night after I received a text from my new pal in California ( a musician who in the not too distant past, offered to send me a free extra Bass he had, because he wanted me to play again and did I mention, he is italian/irish like my 80's friend? -wow talk about energy coming back again and again to be resolved). This time however being an old fart who now is "strong with the force" , I saw this energy coming back to replay, to once again split my energies.
At the point in time we are at currently, the issue and energy of hatred, ignorance, sexual abuse, racism, class warfare, cast system control, global nuclear worries, global weather turmoil....one has to have clarity in regards of the roll of the self and be true to ones inner nature.
So I sat down and began to look within recently about my Bass playing, I mean really look at myself. Was the Bass a distraction from the absolute me? I almost picked it up and was going to go deep into jazz courses and funk modes to relearn some chops, but I was doing it again ( replay of past energy) for the wrong reason and quickly realized it was time to return 100% to me, to the sage, the martial artist, the healer......I need me to be me.
So I decided to throw out my Bass and put an end to that chapter in my life forever, to transmute and and ALL of the energies that were still clinging to me from way back in 1984.
So out goes any split of my energies, bye bye to any other vibes.
I am returning to 100% me, 100% the spiritual teacher, the sage, The Adult Master with 40 years of esoteric knowledge to share. I am the Rabid Monk, I am the healer, the sage, the martial artist Oh yeah, you want the kicker? the "Are you shittin' me moment?
Who is my friend in California?
His name is Micheal Devin and he the Bass player for the band Whitesnake....hmmmmmm now aint that a bitch! Enjoy these photos below, see? I never bullshit people, see? all of what I say is 100% true.
-Enjoy the smiles my former long hair brings to you....soooooooo sexy.
Brian Collins "The Rabid Monk"
1984, the eye candy..
and in 2017 the Master.
Me and Micheal....