The Cellar Dweller in Search of Enlightenment



So, I am going to rant off into the cosmic slop 

and into the void about what I learned about myself last night sitting on a barstool and maybe what I just learned about me can help you learn about yourself and then we can then swim in the quantum entanglement soup as one.

When I was young little Rabid one in the 1970's, I was immersed in all things Asian. I needed an escape from the violence at home and endless battles I fought on the streets of my South Boston housing project neighborhood. My journey into the culture began with martial arts movies (as with many) and Billy Jack was my 1st exposure to a philosophy based depiction of martial movement.

I was hooked.

I then jumped around from martial art school to school absorbing all of the teachings and living the concepts 24/7 ( clothing, food, etc...pretty funny for an Irish chubby 12 year old walking around Southie in a kung fu jacket). One of those concepts that would shape the person I am today is an exercise called Bu.

Bu in Chinese can be translated to English in the form of the word "stance". There are varied forms of this exercise and each has a specific energetic (Chi)  signature and trains the body in unique ways. Horse stance ( Ma Bu) , Golden Rooster on one leg (Jin Ji Du Li), Bow stance (Gong Bu) are but a few of the ones I practiced daily in my dank, often roach filled, cold, musty cement walled project basement "bedroom".

When I say I "practiced" I meant that I was indeed going deep into a world I had no idea that existed, how could I? my uncles and aunts kids were Irish step dancers! I was the odd duck of the family ( still am), and they asked me frequently " Why do this Asian "crap"? Why??? 

In Bu training, each stance is to be held for a period of time and a series of breathing exercises are then attached to each posture. Not like the current social trend of Yoga, when I say I held a posture I mean I placed on an album ( yup, I am old as fuck) and listen to 1 whole side while in a deep squat ( or whatever stance position) doing breathing exercises till I completed them or threw up, yup, that IS I how I rolled. 

Well you could imagine what kind of workout that was.


2O Different stances? Shen?

But this life is what I was being pulled to, becoming something larger than myself.

I didn't fit in with my neighborhood, I wasn't a racist, I didn't hate so I was hated for not hating. Isolation, introspection and martial/meditative training came to be my foundation and my only true friend from my 12th birthday onward. During this time, I was unknowingly building something called "Shen" within my body. The word Shen can be translated to as "Spirit" and through my dedication to this new spiritual world I was indeed laying the foundation for a focused, diamond state of consciousness (version of Shen) and a pinpointed focused energy.

Eating Bitter on the streets made of corned beef and cabbage

When I 1st heard the term "Can you eat bitter to get to the sweet of the fruit" I thought it to be a concept that was soooo cool (kewl). The statement basically asks " Are you willing to endure tests placed upon you to achieve new levels of change and manifestations of new abilities?"

Hell yes I was, you betcha sweet ass! 

I was eating shitloads of bitter with my intense workouts (internal energy and the external physical). My concept of martial arts was shifting daily outwards past the lightning fast feet I had acquired or the fists and bones like stone forged in the fire of traditional martial arts training, my energy was morphing with each session of Bu....morphing into what? I had no fucking idea at the time, but it was indeed expanding past the physical concepts and limits of "standard" consciousness.

Thinking back now as I write this on the 12th of November on a Sunday, I remember seeing the light filtering down towards the project basement window and making its way to my "room". This light of awareness seems always to be above me, with me needing to look upwards towards it, always furthering my expansion and expanding my 6 direction sight of my reality and my surroundings.

-Funny how memories flood the mind.

Anyway, as the years ticked by and I went from a 12 year old to a wild child 19 year old, I went through massive changes in my energy mentally and physically. My neighborhood by my late teens was a fucking war zone with endless drugs, massive violence and I couldn't even walk the streets without getting in some sort of a daily jam with some ass wipe Irish gangster wanna be.

When the kids of my neighborhood found out that a childhood friend I had was a (GASP) Puerto Rican, then boy oh boy boyo! I needed to use my skilled feet and hands quite often as I was called a "long haired faggot spic lover" ( I had long lovely heavy metal hair at the time) and would get into many fights with locals as a result of my friendship to my (long gone) Boriqua buddy.

As you see from the photo above, my bedroom in the project basement was one of battle prep vibe and my Kobudo ( Weapons training) became an extension of my basement enlightenment (trust me, It was needed when you lived with Irish Mob/Whitey Bulgers gangsters jacking people at will with varied guns, knives, baseballs, bats, chains, know, the fun times of youthful growth and hope).

Shen Time Morphs!

So as time ticked, after I spent all these years in Bu training & training in variety of martial arts systems, traveling to China to study deeper about the mystery of Chi, personally studying with a Filipino Grandmaster, Training with Kahunas in Metaphysical energetic applications of the mind...

Wait... let's get into da' Shaka Poi Boy stage...

So the old Kahuna I trained with often told me "I have no idea why you are studying with me, I should be traveling just to be near you. The focus and honest spiritual energy you have inside of you is something I have never experienced in my lifetime, do you know what you inner abilities really are?..." 

Ah, nope, no not at the time.

I knew that at the time I was healing many people in my old office on Newbury Street in Boston (whole other story) , I knew that my focus and dedication of my Bu and past training helped to shape my mind and focus and change peoples lives, but at the time no, I didn't know the totality of my mind or abilities. I was simply going through the daily motions and curing peoples problems with daily miracles.

He asked me years later, after many Hawai'i visits and much travel and global study with him , "Are you limiting yourself? Do you know how powerful you are from just sitting in a chair?"...I began to understand what he meant and was actually doing a version of my prior Shen training to aid my clients at the time all over the world (this was around 2002-ish)....from my chair.

My time with him was very special, I often would go for walks prior to training sessions ( we would be in groups at times at varied locations across the world) and do my best to shift the energy of locations of the trainings to make the situation better for all involved ( use this section as reference to the comedian connection below) . During my walks, the etheric shit I saw often was crazy and to even to describe it will make me go into the realm of whack job in the minds of many, but fuck it, here we go.....

Sometimes, the ground would shed black whispy energies, sometimes it would look like melting glue, swirling vortexes, heat waved layered reality, one "class" in New Mexico, I saw these Easter Island esq formless dark see through forms kind of "stuck" all around the training location ( nope, normal people cant see this stuff) grounds.

While I was staring at these Items, the Kahuna came up behind me ( He was walking around doing the same thing as I was and we bumped into each other)..and he said to me "What are you looking at?" I said "I think you know"...he said "Yes, but please tell me what you see".

I told him and he smiled.....he said " I only asked you because people like to imagine things at meetings to create a sense of community for themselves, you are not one of them, you do in fact have the ability to see all "..he put his arm around me and we spoke about the items coming up from the ground and he then said " You wont be a part of this journey much longer with me, you are far too powerful to be with us, your ability surpasses my own lifetime of work and yet you are still so young. Your journey has always been one of isolation and that is where all your work and power will always come from, accept this and you can change the world".

He then later during the class mentioned the entities around the location and students were in awe of his abilities and fawned around him, he then looked at me in the back of the room and winked at me as I closed my eyes and went into a deeper state of mind.

So after that trip, I began to go deep within, doing "stance" training of my mind a 200000000%. The same intense dedication, the same focus in my youth.....this new energy was being poured into the next stage, my physical training years was morphing into etheric realms, yeah, something absolutely fucking normal for a kid from the Southie projects dont cha think, dude?

So Jump ahead, to last night...where was I of all places?

Seeing comedian Maria Bamford in a small hall, a  middle of absolute nowhereville Rhode Island venue. My wife and I arrived a couple of hours early to go to a local hipster as fuck gastro pub where we could be looked down upon by 20 somethings for being near them as they know, just a regular dining experience for anyone who is 50+.

While we sat at the bar and enjoyed the vibe of "Aren't you lucky to be out of the home you old fucks?"  surrounded by endless men in way cool beards with knit caps and women with om symbols of peace "Tats" and 6000 dollar shoes...I was instantly taken back to my cellar, taken back to my youth, taken back to my days of training my Shen.


Well I think it had to do with the location of the theater , but I wont get into details, I will just say I do what I do and always do so when asked to despite outward energies that influence peoples actions. A comedian who insisted I call him a "friend" will be playing there in a few months so I felt pulled to shift some energies at the location prior to his arrival/show.

Confused on what the fuck I do?

Well read these 2 deep as fuck descriptions below. These articles scratch the surface on a scientific spin.....though this etheric meditative energy stuff is wild as fuck and truly jaw dropping, trust me on that end.

and then this one

I remember being at a show of his of the very 1st time we physically met years ago, we chatted via phone prior to the show and he had a heckler in the audience the night we met. One clown who gave him some shit (the guy was a real jerk) and my head snapped  towards the jerk and my lightning Shen kicked in.  Later when we met after the show ( the 1st time we physically met) he grabbed/hugged me and said " I knew that was you! I saw that clown and then saw this guy spin his head in the audience towards him like he was going to Darth Vader him and said Jesus Christ back off buddy! and said to myself that has to be him!"

We laughed together and hugged and I said, well, I like and respect you and got your back and we then made plans to meet and hang out after the tour ended. We became "friends" and I met a few of his fans over the years and tried to help them a bit with extensions of my energy in varied forms (sometimes it kicked me in the ass as I forgot that not all are who they seem to be) and well, then for whatever reason distance kicked in and I don't really speak to him ( The comedian) or see him much.

So...Why still help him ?

Because I am a Boston Irishman, I do what is asked of me, I live by my honor and my endless strong Shen and I realized that last night sitting on a barstool.

So as I type this blog, his fans are spending time with him in NYC and me? Well I am sitting in my home office, alone in isolation, ready to go into deep meditation after I post this....changing the world from my chair.



Lesson 4 U

Do you have a strong shen?

Do you live by your word?

Do you feel good inside or is there turmoil and confusion dwelling inside of you?

Have you used people? Lied to them? Treated them like shit to better yourself? Is this your Shen?



Brian Collins

"The Rabid Monk"


©2017 Brian Collins. All rights reserved.